COUNSELING

I received training as a counselor many years ago and one of the lessons that has stuck with me and has had huge impact on my own personal experience and those who have learned it is this idea of knowing the difference between our feeling/emotions and our reasoning ability/thought process.

Feeling are emotions that we all have and it's apparent that even animals have emotions.  They are: happiness, sadness, joy, peace, excitement, boredom, anger, shame, anxiety, worry and many others.

Our ability to reason is that when we use our brains to form thoughts and ideas.  It is the basis for logic and debate.  Humans are filled with a great capacity to think, plan, innovate, test alternatives, and this is where science and provable evidence are necessary.

Now the reason this is so important to be able to know the difference is that if we do not know how the difference between the two then we are less likely to be able to understand ourselves very well, and also misunderstand others.

Now in this matter of counseling; there are many different types of counseling and for this blog I would like to consider just one on one sessions where a person comes to me as a Christian minister and ask me for some counseling, thinking that I'm going to give that person good advice.  That is not what I call adequate Christian or any other counseling.

Good counseling does not give advice.  It helps others identify their own feelings and develop their own ideas on how to deal with their problem.  If a counsel gives advice and the person returns for another session and has not followed the counselor's advice then that person is on the spot to be pleasing to the counselor.  Good counseling is always non-judgmental.  Weather or not the counselee has done well or not done well will not influence the counselor either way.  The onus is still on the person being counseled. I think that people have to own up and solve their own problems.  Poor counseling is when the counselor becomes so self invested in the person being counseling, that the counselor is taking responsibility for their success.

So if an alcoholic comes to me and wants help I will ask that person who they feel about their problem.  I'm not looking for ideas of how they will solve it, just what is their emotional response to their problem.  They may well say, "I'm desperate and ashamed of myself; I keep spending all this money and becoming sicker by the day".  That is a good feeling response.

Now I would say to them, "OK, that's how you feel about your problem, now what do you think you need to do to solve this problem?" (I do not like to ask questions, they are confrontive, but some times required)..  So I help that person list out ideas of how that person thinks he/she can resolve their problem.  Then I would tell them to underline the ideas that want to try to put into action before our next session.  When they return I would simply say to them, "How are you doing this past week?"  And regardless of how they did, I would not judge them, but rather have them tell me again there feelings at that present time.  This process might go on for several sessions, but I would never judge their progress.

If they ask me what I would do, I would say to them, "I think we ought to stick with your own problem, not to say I don't have any myself, but I think that would get us off track for now...later I will be glad to share with you about myself and my own problems.

As a Christian I know I have a Master Counselor; He knows about every temptation anyone will ever have and by faith we all can turn to Him for His comfort and sound advice.  Jesus did give advice because that is why God sent Him to us...to teach us His way and the truth that will set us free.  If you have questions or comments on the above, please send me a private message.